February 28: Gas, Groceries, and Giving

End of February. Today marks the end of our original commitment. One cool thing is that we're going strong and have no intention of quitting now... right, Kyle?

One big thought that has kept returning to pummel my brain over the last couple of weeks has been the rising cost of gas and groceries. I found myself truly worried about how we would be able to save and give more generously if all of our "savings" were lost in our gas tank or reusable Kroger sack. While it may be a good question, it reveals my misguided focus... again. God, our Provider can (and does) meet our every need. My mind keeps returning to the thought that God doesn't need my suggestions or my help. He desires my obedience. So when I worry, I'm certainly NOT obeying His command to be anxious about nothing (Phil. 4:6). He's got this! I'll surrender this to Him today (and tomorrow and the next day...) and will seek His peace when everything around us is tumultuous and uncertain.

Dear God,

I'm so grateful You hold us in Your hand. I'm constantly reminded how very big You are and how very small I am. Yet, I live daily as though my life were about me. Please correct me. Shine Your light on the areas of my life that I need to confess. Please direct my steps so that they walk with You, for apart from that journey is a path full of trouble, self-pity, and worry. Lord, I surrender our daily needs to You. Please show us this week how we can bless someone else. We're not doing this so that we can have more, but so that we can give more and use what we have more effectively for Your glory. Keep our eyes open and don't let us miss the opportunity to be an obedient servant for you. I love you.

Amen

February 18: Major Appliances and a Major-er God

I forgot. But I didn't forget. I forgot that the Christmas check from my mom was still in my wallet. But I didn't forget that we were holding it to help us replace our washing machine. As of the last several months, we've been nursing it along, often holding the barrel during the agitation parts of the cycle to keep it from overflowing. Sigh. Yes, it's as if doing laundry wasn't glamorous enough... We've come to intimately understand the nuances of our machine, knowing exactly when we can step away for a few minutes. The most exciting moments come when we forget to monitor where the load is in the cycle and fly through the house when it occurs to one of us that we've lost track of time and may have a soaking wet laundry room to contend with.

As I was trying to get out the door for work the other morning, I decided to run a quick load. With the current set up, there is no longer a "quick load!" I'm talking to God out loud, and questioning our decision to hold off on the new washing machine. I finally got out the door and headed to work. As I drove along, I continued my conversation with God. I was thanking Him that our washing machine has held out so long, and that it has been a couple of months since our last mini flood. I wrestled with whether or not replacing the washer is a need when we can still keep it rolling. I also wondered how long we could go on like this. Could we really keep it working for 9 or 10 more months? Again, a conversation aloud with only my Creator.

Fast forward to last night when I received a phone call, while fixing dinner, from a company requesting my opinion about household appliances. When the voice on the other end told me the survey would take approximately five minutes, I agreed. Happy to help. After several questions, she began to zero in on laundry habits. I answered questions about average loads, where our washing machine is located, type of flooring underneath the machines, gas or electric, and on and on they went.

That's when the fun part came. The caller began to outline a request for us to test a washing machine in our home. The "major appliance manufacturer" is looking for people who will accept their washing machine, use it regularly, and participate in periodic interviews about their experiences. Would we be willing to let them come to deliver and set up a washing machine, store our current one, receive payment for our time and give our feedback? Ummm, did I mention that they would like us to do this for 9 months? Did you catch that?! NINE MONTHS! I became overwhelmed with the realization that God was once again showing up in the most unexpected, undeniably personal way. I was praying for a little more time. He was answering with a blessing far better than the check in my wallet could cover.

I laughed and thanked my sweet Jesus all night. Who thinks of that? Only One I know. And I'm so glad I do know Him. (And the fun part was that the check could then be used to bless others. Yippee!)

February 14: Not Feelin' the Love

So are there times that it's okay to really hate this? I mean, I've been pretty positive, but today I'm feeling all in the flesh and wanting to totally gripe and complain and bellyache. I may end up deleting this post, but hoping it will be therapeutic to air it out.

Happy Valentine's Day. Well, it is on the calendar, anyway. I'm not feelin' it. I know it's a manufactured holiday. I know it's just another box on my February page. I know it's a chance for candy and card companies to rake in the dough. I know it shouldn't mean anything... but it does. I'm absolutely ill with myself that I let myself get my hopes up for something, some small gesture or gift. Then I'm disappointed. In light of what we've been doing for 45 days, you'd think I'd look at this day as just another day. After all, my focus is no longer on material things. Well, I'm failing miserably today. I want to buy something really sweet and special for my sweetie. And I want to receive some wonderful, even extravagant, gift. There. I said it. I'm materialistic and shallow and greedy and superficial and ultimately disappointed.

I'll get over this. I know Kyle is a good man who loves his family. I know February 14 really is just another date on the calendar. And I know that I'll go back to a proper focus... maybe tomorrow.

February 10: Analysis of Birthday Candles

41 days and we're still trying to figure this thing out. What makes a need and need and a want a want? When teaching elementary students, we identify needs as food, clothing, and a place to live. (Even as I type the words I can picture my students striking a fashion pose as they come to the "clothes" part of our chant.) We knew at the start of this that we would have to hone that definition. Food? Yes. I think that's a given. Groceries were immediately placed on the needs list. We also made sure that monthly bills such as mortgage, electricity, water, phones, etc. were needs - goes to shelter. Clothes. Well, we have clothes. I've never sent anyone from my family out into the world naked. I think we have enough to keep us modestly covered. Of course, kids grow...

We decided early on that gifts would be acceptable purchases... not really needs, but important since our intent is not to force our choice on others. Nobody outside our family is even aware that we have committed to this drastic change in our lives. Making obvious, outwardly changes might draw attention to US... not what we want to do. We also want this to be a positive adventure for our girls. Informing them that there will be no birthday this year isn't exactly the celebration kids hope for. Birthdays will still come and be celebrated. My shopping, however, is much more needs-based. Clothes that fit will be the primary goal.

I've begun working from the following thought process when determining want vs. need. My first question is always, "Do we need this?" If the answer is yes, I ask, "Is there anything we already have that would substitute adequately for this?" If the answer to that is also yes, I skip the purchase. If the answer to that question is no, the item goes into my cart. Pretty simple. I thought I had gotten pretty good at this, until I discovered the birthday candles in my shopping bag. I can reason that I needed to make sure an important family tradition continue. However, I'm left wondering if I had something at the house that would have adequately substituted for the neon candles I purchased. I believe I have some Hanukkah candles in a drawer I bought on clearance one year. (They were so cute!) Those would have worked just fine. I just didn't go through the thought process.

This discovery made me wonder how often I'm forgetting that thought process when analyzing other items. What else have I picked up when shopping for needs that was truly a want? Have there been many other frivolous purchases? I can't think of any, but surely I've blown it on other occasions. More importantly, what can I do to make sure this doesn't become a habit? We have a birthday party coming up. I won't hesitate to purchase items to make the party a success for my baby girl. However, I need to polish my lenses... really focus closely on ways to make the most of minimal. How? Well, first of all I need to make a list. (No problem since I LOVE lists!) Next, I need to stick to the list (a little more difficult for the global person like myself). Finally, I need to stay off the phone while I'm shopping. My divided attention always leaves me at risk of falling prey to mistakes. (Ooh. There's a spiritual lesson in there! I'll put a pin in it for another day.) Maybe these simple changes will keep my focus directed and my lenses clear.

I'm not losing sleep over the birthday candles, but I do want to avoid a repeat, especially since it would conceivably be with a much larger item. I'm praying (quite literally, mind you) that God will help direct my focus even in the aisles of the grocery store to thoughtfully and carefully evaluate needs... not because buying birthday candles is bad, but because surrendering ALL is better.

February 3: Patience and (toilet) Paper

In our busy household, it's not unusual to unexpectedly run out of something. It's normal to run downstairs in the morning to grab a gallon of milk to discover there isn't one. Frustrating, but fairly normal. It's even more typical that we run out of several necessities at the same time: laundry detergent, napkins, milk, cereal, shampoo... You get the idea.

This week it was dishwashing soap and toilet paper. I'd been to the store since discovering the shortage, but hadn't thought to restock. I was just busy thinking about whatever it was that caused me to careen into the Kroger parking lot in the first place (Sprite and saltines for a sicky on one trip). I just couldn't seem to remember the much needed items. The other morning it was serious! We were down to our last 8 squares in the house. The night before I overheard our oldest daughter tell our youngest, "Only use what you HAVE TO use. And try not to poop." Like I said, serious.

I knew we'd be fine once we all left the house and I'd hit the grocery store on the way home from work. I knew any real crisis would be averted. Then came the call from our youngest daughter. Through giggles and whispers and embarrassed pauses, she retold the story of finding herself in a stall of the girls' bathroom at school when she saw that there were three rolls of toilet paper. Three!!!! Before she even knew what she was doing, she grabbed a roll and stuffed it into her backpack and hurried out. (She made the point of telling me she had washed her hands first. Apparently my children have concluded that in the eyes of their mother, stealing was preferable to germiness.) Our precious daughter STOLE a roll of toilet paper from her school! I found myself instantly speechless. After all, I'm the mom that drove 25 minutes back to a store to have her 3-year-old return a 19 cent candle she had slipped into her pocket! What do I do here? Well, first of all, when I found my voice I laughed my head off. (I know, maybe not the best reaction from an ethical standpoint.) She truly believed she was saving her family from a crisis. I think she couldn't stand the thought of a potential t.p. rationing... after all, she knew 8 squares was not going to go far enough with three girls in the house (Dad doesn't count). I love that she thought it was her duty to rescue all of us!

The funny thing is that when she called to tell me the story, I was walking out of Kroger with 12 double rolls of the softest toilet paper in the store. My answer to the problem was far superior to the partial roll of rough sandpaper equivalent she had lifted. I had it all under control. As the mom of the house, that's my job.

It made me think about the many times I think I need to step in and rescue myself or someone in my family because it just doesn't seem like God's answer is going to come in time. I pray. I wait. I grow impatient. I do. Then I realize God had it all under control. And the answer He had was far superior than any solution I could ever offer. The difference, of course is that I truly forget things. God never does.

The roll of t.p. is, to my knowledge, still in her backpack. I think it'll make its way back to the stall at school eventually. For now, I think it's a pretty cool reminder that though our Savior's timing rarely matches ours, it is perfect.