October 30: Great Is Thy Faithfulness

I'm tired. Weary, really. And I'm not starting with the intention of posting very much tonight. I just felt compelled to put into words something before it slips out of my concussed sieve of a mind.

I love the songs of praise and worship we sing as a congregation. I'm always moved when the body of Christ lifts up its voice in praise! Singing scripture back to God and claiming His promises in our lives is nothing short of amazing. Tonight we ended the opening time of worship with "Great is Thy Faithfulness." Who doesn't LOVE that hymn? It's beautiful! Whenever I hear the opening chords, my skin goosebumps just a little. I long to sound like Carrie Underwood singing it, and accept that I sound a little more like Kermit the Frog, but I sing it at the top of my voice anyway. Tonight a lump made its way to my throat when we reached the line, "All I have needed, thy hand hath provided." I gulped and tears welled in my eyes as I felt instantly overwhelmed by God's goodness.

ALL I have needed... ALL. Indeed, that has been repeatedly demonstrated to us over the last ten months. Tonight was different. Tonight I felt God reminding me that His faithfulness is not limited to my material needs. He is tending to and utterly faithful in providing for my physical, more specifically, health needs. Right now that means my cognitive state. Since my fall a month ago, I have been completely frustrated by what my mind CAN'T do. My focus has been on what I think I need it to do. Maybe my greater need is to let that go and accept whatever God has in store for me during this recovery time. If I can't ever recover some of my abilities to process, does that diminish God's faithfulness? Absolutely not. His presence is a promise. The writer also pens, "Morning, by morning new mercies I see." That is so true! His mercies abound and I'm so grateful to be witness to them in my own life. When the sun rises tomorrow, I'll thank Him again for the privilege of facing another day with Him.

My lack of eloquence is obvious tonight, but the lesson God is teaching me is crystal clear in my heart. Thank You, precious Lord, for being faithful. YOU are the one who sees and knows exactly what we need. I confess that I make a habit of informing You of my needs. I let it all go tonight and humbly bow before you, just thankful You hear my prayers and know my needs beyond what I could ever comprehend. Amen.

October 16: Lilies, Giving, and Child-Like Faith

I witnessed something beautiful tonight and failed miserably to view it as such. Sometimes my lack of faith catches me off guard. I am ashamed. I'm also painfully aware at this moment how far I have yet to go when it comes to surrendering my heart fully to God's will. I don't think tonight's post will lead to any uber-spiritual discoveries, but I feel compelled to write about it. Therefore, I'm trusting fully that God is teaching me something through the ugliness of my reaction.

A little back story... Ever since our children were very young, we've been committed to teaching financial responsibility. It started with pennies. For every dime they earned, we'd convert it to 10 pennies, place one penny in a cup labeled "church," another in a cup labeled "save," and the remaining eight in a cup labeled "spend." Of course, they never accumulated much, but it was the consistency we were trying to teach. Maybe it's the teacher in me that craved to help our girls grasp the understanding and value of coins. Maybe it was our desire to instill in them the fiscal disciplines we lacked. Maybe it was just one of those things we stumbled upon back in the days when we didn't make a move without consulting at least three books on parenting, that stuck... and worked. Whatever it was, through the years the formula has stayed essentially the same. The amounts have changed dramatically, as have their responsibilities but the consistency has remained. Today they receive a paycheck once a month (just like I do). From that paycheck, they deposit 10% into a savings account, 10% gets cashed out for God's work, and the remaining 80% is theirs to save up and spend accordingly. They have certain responsibilities that they must perform in order to earn this paycheck, and there are also ways to increase their earnings by completing tasks well above and beyond their expected chores.

So, where does tonight's mess-up fit in? Well, with all of my talking about wants and needs and the value of earning and spending and the importance of being faithful stewards. With my lectures on giving generously and actively acknowledging God's ownership of all we have and graciously blessing others, my reaction to my daughter's offering tonight was nothing short of shameful.

When the offering basket came to my oldest daughter tonight, she very discreetly placed in a bill of a large denomination. It was an amount that incredibly skewed the aforementioned percentages. It was money that would have nicely helped her pay for some things she's been saving up for. And was my first reaction pride in her sweet, humbly offered gift? No. My first thought, and this is where it gets ugly, was "What in the world are you doing?! Now you're probably going to want to get money from me to make up for the money you just gave." (Wow! I knew when I began this that it was going to hurt, but to see it in print causes my stomach to ache.)

I gradually felt overwhelmingly ashamed. I shifted in my thinking and in my heart. What began in my mind as a rehearsal for a lecture on holding on to our money so that we have it when we need it, shifted to a plan to ask her what compelled her to give. God placed on my heart a reminder that she is living out what He is teaching her through us. And I was going to question it?! I mean, isn't it my greatest desire to have our daughters learn to rely completely on His faithful provision? To keep their hands open and face-up with their possessions, always ready to release them? And in an instant I desired that she grip that money "just in case." The passages I read today during my devotions came back to mind (Thank you, Lord!). Give me a moment to share the passage from Luke 12:22-34:

Then Jesus said to his disciples: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?

Consider how the lilies grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.

Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom. Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

I know where my daughter's heart was tonight. It wasn't on the cost of a really cute jacket from Old Navy. Nor was it on a new iPhone. It was simply on her Lord and Savior and what seemed simply to be the "right" thing to do. And that's exactly where I want my heart to be.

Precious Lord Jesus, keep teaching me. Keep humbling my heart. Keep my hands face-up and open, not just talking about it, but really doing it. Thank you for blessing me beyond measure and for providing for my every need. I love you desperately, Lord. Keep my heart sensitive to where You are working. Thank you for your grace. Help me live today seeking opportunities to be a blessing, to give generously, and to trust in your faithfulness to clothe, feed, and provide in every area of my life. Amen.

Our Newest Accountability Group

So, when I think of an accountability group, I think of 4-6 fellow Christ followers who encourage, pray, and even challenge me (or someone else) to maintain a witness of integrity and faithfulness. I don't have an "official" group... I mean, I haven't sent out invitations for a Bunko/Accountability group to meet regularly. I have sought out women who love Jesus and have been blessed to have strong (and some pretty new) relationships with. I could call these women my accountability partners. They encourage me, pray with me, redirect me back to scriptures, etc. I find myself so grateful for women like Lu, Amy, Julie, Tricia, Terry, etc.

Now, we've shared our journey with a few of them, but I don't talk about it with many people because I'm always a little fearful that it will become about us. Yuck. Of course, I've had to share some of the incredible stories of God's blessings and surprises. How could I not? Fast forward to a conversation in passing between our pastor, Brother David, and Kyle. Brother David told Kyle that his wife had told him about our challenge and asked if we'd be willing to share our story during a sermon that he was preaching about wants and needs. Kyle reluctantly agreed, knowing how thrilled (NOT) I would be. A couple of weeks later we got a call requesting that we shoot a video telling a little bit of our story. They wanted to hear the washing machine story, and we gladly obliged. After all, the more people that heard that crazy story that has one and only one explanation: GOD, then okay.

A brief video shoot in our living room after a very long, exhausting work day eventually resulted in the story being shared with over 7,000 people. We are now the "washing machine family." And now that everyone knows of our challenge, that started with a little book called "Radical," we are certainly being held accountable for purchasing only needs, not wants. (Something about having our story projected on gimongous screens will bring others on board whether we like it our not!) Our little accountability group of 7,000 has kept us honest.

There are good and bad things about that. We've heard the sweetest stories of how our goofy video has impacted others (God's doing, not ours) and have been so blessed to hear of God's goodness and faithfulness in the lives of so many others. The other good thing is that I can now explain away my lack of landscaping to it being a "want" not a "need." Yes, it is a cop-out. But right now, I'm giving myself a break and embracing it.

The bad? It's hard to get in line at Target with a candle (which I know is a gift for someone) and not feel just a little bit like someone might see it and think I'm a fraud.

So, there it is. The ugly truth of my self-centeredness. And our newest accountability group.

Psalm 86:11 and More

"Teach me your way, LORD, that I may rely on your faithfulness; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name."

Since one hazy day early this past spring, I've let the phrase "undivided heart" meander around in my mind. I've prayed over it, prayed desperately for one, and prayed that God would help my mouth (or fingers) to articulate the power of it. It's funny how I'm choosing today, 8 days after sustaining a concussion, to attempt to capture the power of these words. Lord, I'm asking you to take over and allow my mind to be clear enough to make meaning... not for me, but for Your glory.

I have dissected this sweet verse phrase by precious phrase and I'm astounded to recognize how timely and appropriate it is to the challenge we've taken on. From the beginning of this we've asked God to teach us what our necessary focus ought to be. To be more accurate (and this is where I think I'm struggling the most to articulate clearly), I think we asked that God would teach us to recognize what is necessary in our lives. It's the whole wants/needs battle that continues to challenge us. What I believe God has actually taught us is that it is necessary that we focus on Him and Him alone. It's not about the stuff we need that must fall in line with His way (read that first phrase again!), but it is His way that we rely solely on Him.

And catch that next part... it is as a result of His teaching that we rely on His faithfulness. So many of our conversations, ponderings, reflections, etc. have been about His faithfulness to provide what we need, often when we least expect it. But what about this... We depend on His faithfulness because He is who He says He is. He is our sovereign, holy, perfect, unchanging God. He doesn't deserve my devotion because of what He has or hasn't done in my life, or what He has provided over the last 9+ months of our challenge. He deserves my undivided heart because He is. That's it. He is. He told Moses to tell the people that I AM sent him. And that was enough! Wow. Why is it that that is no longer enough? Just knowing Him more intimately makes my heart crave Him and depend on Him more. (Again, Lord, I pray You will make sense of this!)

The final part of this verse asks God for the part that first caught my attention in April: an undivided heart. But why? So that the Psalmist could pursue and defeat his enemies? So that he could succeed financially? So that others would esteem him? No. None of that. The Psalmist's plea, and recently mine, is for a reverent fear of God's most precious name.

I confess I've lost this at times. Let's face it, we are surrounded daily with rampant misuses of God's name. How I must grieve Him when I speak His name, while not in vain, with anything less than the awe it deserves. Even thinking of His name as I type today, I feel a lump in my throat and tears sting my eyes. Yes, my God deserves nothing less than pure, unadulterated awe.

Thank you, Lord, for guiding my heart. I confess it's still divided, but pray desperately that you will protect it! Show me, God, when it is straying from You, my necessary focus, so that I may live in the abundant outpouring of your love and grace. Amen

Oh! And can I take a moment to share Ezekiel 11:19? Check this out! "I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh."

When God says it, it's true. What an incredible promise! He is the Healer of stoney hearts and the Renewer of undivided hearts. Praise Him!