January 16: $25

A birthday check arrived from my in-laws. A $25 check to purchase whatever I want. After several days I finally cashed it. Now the money sits in my wallet. Why am I struggling? I shouldn't be, really. After all, we decided that we were going to make allowances for gifts (and this would be a gift for me) and we determined that we were not going to become overly legalistic. So, why is this money so hard for me to spend?

I think it has everything to do with the fact that I don't want to misuse it. I have discovered that my wardrobe is in terrible shape. I laughed the other night when I commented to Kyle that I didn't think that through very well before making this commitment. And yet, will $25 drastically change my closet? No. I have pondered the thought of buying hand soap with the money. Yes, hand soap. I know what you are thinking... NEED. Yes, but I WANT the pink grapefruit hand soap from Bath and Body Works (kinda not a need). So, does that become my present? Another thought is to replenish tights and socks. Not a very glamorous expenditure, but those are things I'd appreciate.

I've also begun looking at things I own and wondering if they really have another year of life in them. For instance, my purse. I've been carrying the same bag for 15 months now. Most women change purses as often as I change earrings. I'm not one of those women. I bought this bag last October and thought it was really cute when I found it in the clearance tub in the booth at the technology conference I was attending. Over the last several months the inside lining has torn. The straps are beyond scuffed. Even the edges are scratched and peeling. I don't have an adequate bag in my closet that would replace this one. Do I attempt to make one? Or do I use my birthday money to purchase one? And I continue to play mental ping pong with myself, going back and forth between want and need.

Maybe my hesitancy in spending this money is because my focus really is changing. I'm becoming more intentional about where my money goes. And since my checkbook reveals where my heart is, I ought to be strategic about where my money lands.

The $25 seems pretty at home in my wallet. Maybe I'll let it live there for awhile. In fact, wouldn't it be cool if God showed me how to spend it? Here goes...

Dear God,

Thank you for the birthday check I received! I know there are others who spend days working to earn what was just given to me. I'm grateful, God. Be glorified in my spending, Lord. I'm leaving this money right where it is until YOU show me where it should go. Please don't let me miss what you have in store for that money. I ask that you make it crystal clear to me as to how I should spend those dollars. Let me not lose any sleep over it. I thank you in advance for directing my focus, Father. Keep my eyes on you and what you have in the works.

Amen