January 26: Mind Clutter

So many thoughts have been rolling around in my mind lately. Wherever I am, I'm consumed with bits and pieces of scattered ideas. I find that I don't sleep as soundly as I probably should. I lose track of time I'm in the shower. The scary thing is I can drive to work and not even remember most of the ride. Many of my thoughts are racing because of this project. However, mostly I just can't seem to quiet my mind from the clutter of the things that are fighting for my attention. Being a single mom for four days reminded me of my very divided attention.

Now, before I go any further, let me acknowledge that I KNOW I'm a big ol' wimp for thinking four days of single parenthood is a challenge. But for me, it is. Kyle and I do so much in tandem that I struggle when I'm left to run the whole show alone. This week was one of those times.

Kyle left on Thursday morning, came home in the snow Thursday night, and left again Saturday morning to return this evening (Wednesday). During that time I kept ticking off the activities and events in my mind that I had to remember. (And of course this was an unusually busy week!) My mind raced with daily schedules of my appointments, meetings, and other commitments as well as those of my girls'. I constantly felt a little nauseous from fear that I was going to forget something; or worse, someONE!

I began to think about what we have set out to do: gain a focus worthy of our attention. I've done a lousy job of that this week. I got behind in my devotions too. I think there's a correlation. I felt drained. I didn't come to HIM... weary or otherwise. I just kept my brow furrowed and my eye fixed on the red-circled date on the calendar for Kyle's return. He's back now and I am breathing a little easier again. (Now if we forget someone, I can blame him.)

I need also to direct my focus intentionally and daily. Having a cluttered mind is dangerous. My thoughts might occasionally drift nearby a necessary focus, just as the monotone singer will occasionally happen to graze a correct note in a song, but there is no lingering. I wonder if God has placed this on my heart tonight as a way of encouraging me to let the clutter go. Truth be told, I'd love a break from the cerebral noise and the clanging mind clutter. Maybe tonight is my starting point, just another step closer to bringing His purpose for me into focus.

God, take captive every thought and keep my heart and my mind on you. Amen